Last Week

Last week was one of the most memorable weeks of my life. I am loving life and the way things are right now. I am loving love. God has filled me up with these new levels of love, this love that I can't contain. I am finding myself just feeling like I'm falling in love with people that I barely know, because I feel God's heart for them. And that's what I've been asking for. I'll see a stranger on the street, or someone in a wheelchair, and I just have this overwhelming love and compassion for them. I want to run to them and tell them that they are beautiful and that they are loved. Compassion and love are a package deal, I have figured out.
I don't think we realize what a huge deal love is. Love is seeing someone who is broken and hurting, and instead of criticizing them for their mistakes, picking them up and standing beside them until they can smile again. Love is caring for someone the way that God cares for them, His children.

I saw love last Saturday night when Georgian Banov called Amy out of the crowd and had her come up to the front. Amy is a woman in a wheelchair. She really is beautiful. A few years ago she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of a window. Instead of falling and dying, she lived but she was paralyzed. To this day she still can't walk. She gets up every morning, gets in her wheelchair and wheels herself around. Imagine how awful it would be to wake up every day, see that wheelchair and be tortured by a memory so painful. Amy deals with that every day of her life... I can't even imagine how that must be.
But last weekend, Amy found a brand new love. In the middle of the conference at Cathedral of Praise on Satuday night, Georgian called Amy out of the crowd. He told her how much he loved her. He told her that she was his hero. He told her how beautiful she was. With every loving word that he spoke, I could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. Then Georgian said that he wanted to dance with her. You see... Amy is a widow. There was a lot of love that was missing in her life. But that night, four men lifted her wheelchair up on the stage, Georgian had the band play a slow love song, and he told every husband and wife in the building to hold eachother and dance together. As they did, Georgian slowly pushed Amy around on the stage in her wheelchair, then took her hands and danced with her. It was the first time anyone had danced with her in a very long time. Those tears that had been forming in Amy's eyes before, they began to fall. And she experienced a new love that weekend that has changed her. She hasn't been the same since.




Dad, Sara, and I picked up Georgian Banov from his hotel on the way to Church of the Hills the Wednesday night before last. Heidi Baker flew into Austin for Wednesday night, spoke at Church of the Hills and flew out early Thursday morning. It was absolutely incredible. Heidi is amazing. Georgian is amazing. I loved getting to see lives changed, people go crazy after God, and get to see Heidi speak. But one of the best parts of my night was getting to see Kayla Way for the first time in a long while. I can't explain it. And I can't tell you exactly why I feel the way I do. Ever since I met her, I loved her. I can't stop loving her. And I don't want to.
I could write so much about Wednesday night... On the way out after one of the most crazy amazing services at COTH ever, Kayla and her mom came and asked me if she could possibly stay at our house Saturday night so she could hear Georgian speak at Cathedral of Praise on Sunday. I told her I'd talk to my mom about it. :)

Thursday and Friday were a blast. Besides the fact that I woke up with a sore throat on Friday morning, it was an amazing day. Dad ended up speaking every day at Cathedral of Praise because everybody got confused, and it was fantastic. My sore throat went away later on in the day, but I started to lose my voice.
Rich and Linda were staying in our house that week. They are Georgians daughters husbands parents. Which really makes sense if you think about it. They travel with him and help him out with his conferences. Really sweet people. :) They stayed in my parents room and my mom and dad slept on an airmattres on my sisters floor. Some other pastor guy from New York moved in Thursday night and had nowhere to sleep, so I let him have my bedroom and I slept on the couch. So we had a full house. It was fun though. Very cool people. All of the services were amazing.

Saturday... :) Saturday was just all around amazing. The morning services were great, and I got to go to the mall and hang out with Zach, Joanie, Desiree, and Jon. Soo much fun. :) I love Joanie so much. She is amazing. It's amazing how we've become such good friends over such a short amount of time. We went to the mall and got our picture taken with a panda bear. :D Haha
Me and my dad took Georgian back to his hotel after almost every service. Him and my dad would talk forever and ever. We would get to the hotel and he wouldn't even get out of the car, they would just keep talking. It was fantastic.
Before the Saturday night service, we went and picked Georgian up from his hotel to take him to COP. Kayla and Rina were coming that night and they were already there. There were no seats left so they would be sitting on the floor in the front. I walked into the building, looking for them. Service hadn't started yet, but something huge was going on. Flags were waving in the air and hundreds of people were gathered in the front of the building, dancing and worshiping while somebody was beating a drum very loudly. I found out when I got closer that Amy was in the center of that crowd and they were praying for her to get out of her wheelchair.
Through the crowd, I could see Rina standing up at the front. I climbed up over some chairs and made my way to where she was standing. She smiled and gave me a huge ol' hug. Like she always does. :) Rina is the best. She is honestly one of my favorite people on this planet. She probably knew as soon as she saw me that I was wondering where Kayla was. She pointed over to the crowd and Kayla was standing there, worshiping. I smiled when I saw her. I always think she is so beautiful for some reason. Even when she's jumping around with her arms covered in paint. Paint?
She turned around and saw me. God, I love to see her eyes light up light that. She ran to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and I picked her up and spun her around. I'd relive that moment every day, just to see the look on her face when she saw me that night. God, I love her... Possibly. More than just about anything in this entire world. I said I'd spend half of eternity waiting for her. Even now, eight months after I said it, I still believe it. Somehow. It's love.

Saturday night was the night that Georgian danced with Amy. My mind was going crazy that entire time because I wanted to ask Kayla to dance with me. I really should have. I know we'll have other chances in the future. That was a beautiful moment. Every time I think about it, though, I wonder how much more beautiful it would have been if she was in my arms instead of sitting next to me. We'll dance together again. I know it.
For some reason, about halfway through this song, I felt like I should dance with Rina. I didn't know what it was, I just had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to dance with her. I'm pretty darn sure that it was a God feeling. I turned around and saw that she was standing alone, worshiping, while everyone else was dancing with a loved one. I walked over to her, put one hand around her waist, and took her right hand in my left and said, "I'm going to dance with you." So we danced. After a few steps I noticed she looked like she was about to cry. She was happy, smiling, but looked like she was about to cry. I could see God doing something in her. She slowly began to fall to the floor. She lowered her down onto her knees where she stayed on the floor and sobbed for quite some time. I prayed for her and went back to sit near Kayla. The love of God like totally whacked Rina. Since those services, she hasn't completely been the same. Rina is one of my favorite people in this world. :) Her and her daughter both. I love them so so dearly.

Somehow I ended up sitting on the front row in between Georgian and my sister. He reached his arm around me, held my face into his chest, almost in a headlock, and just loved on me. For like 5-10 minutes, he just held onto me and my sister in his arms and told us that he loved us. He kissed us on our heads. I just felt this crazy love that I had never really felt before.
After a while, I let Kayla have the chair so she wouldn't have to sit on the floor anymore. Georgian loved on her. :) And for a long time, she got to sit with her Papa Banov. It was a beautiful night.
Kayla stayed with us that night, and on the way home we had to drop off Papa Banov at his hotel. Kayla and I sat in the back of the suburban and everyone else sat in the front. Saturday was the first time in a long while that I took Kayla's hand in mine. But not the first time in a long while that I felt what I always feel when I think about her. Love. I can't explain "why her." or "why her and not any other girl. Why can't I love any other girl like that?" I don't know... But I've never felt this way about any other girl. A year ago today I had the same thoughts and feelings washing over me every living moment. Even now I find it hard for me to stop thinking about her. Truth is, if I had the chance to give my life for her, I would. If I had to walk the length of the earth for her, I believe I'd do it. If I had to bleed myself dry for her, I would. Because honestly, there is no girl in this world right now that I would rather spend every moment with. There is no other girl who's eyes I want to look into twenty-four hours a day. There is no girl in this world that I want to be with more than her. I love her. With all my heart.
And that night when I took her hand, that night when I picked her up and spun her around, that night when I looked into her eyes... I believed all of what I just said more than ever. There is no one else.
I will always love her. I will always be there for her. And even if just as a friend, I will always be standing by her side to tell her how much I love her, how I would die for her, how I would help her through any problem and any issue. I will always be there. I'll always be waiting for the day that she sees that I'm right here. And I honestly believe that I love her more than any human being ever could. I will always love her... always... always... always... always... always... all ways...

That night, we drove home and went into the house. I showed Kayla my bedroom where I was letting her sleep for the night. I would be staying on the couch. For a long while we stayed up in my room and talked. About life. About word that had been spoken over us. About things that needed to be talked about. We laid on my bed and talked until my mom came in and made me leave the room. I hugged her good night, got some clothes to wear the next day, and slipped out of the bedroom door. I wonder if she knew that she was on my mind the rest of the night. That I could hardly sleep, partly because of my throat, but mostly because I couldn't get my mind off of her. I spent my night in the kitchen, eating and drinking just about whatever I could find.
I got a little bit of sleep, eventually, then laid on the couch, watching the light from the rising sun taking the place of the dark shadows on the white wall above me. The sun finally came up and I began to hear noises in the house. People getting ready for church. I got up and distracted myself until everyone was ready, then finally went upstairs to grab a shirt out of my bedroom. I pushed open the cracked bedroom door to see Kayla sitting cross legged on the floor, doing her make up. God, did she look beautiful.
I smiled, "Hey."
"Hey."
"How did you sleep?" I asked, while reaching for my shirt off the back of the desk chair.
"Good," She said, still focused on putting on her makeup perfectly. Which she really didn't need to do. She was gorgeous.
"I love that bed," I said in a hoarse voice. I lost my voice a day or two before that and I was still getting it back.
I had to repeat what I said a couple of times before she could understand it.
"It's comfy." She said with a smile.
I walked out and went into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. I pulled off my shirt as soon as I walked out the door, and slipped on the dark, long sleeve button up that I got for Christmas, leaving it unbuttoned while I brushed my teeth. Sprayed on some cologne, and opened the door to head downstairs. Kayla was standing at the top of the stairs. I walked toward her, and before I could button my shirt, she wrapped her arms around me. So I wrapped mine around hers and held her for a moment. I love those moments more than just about anything... Her hair or something about her smelled really good.
"Mmm. You smell really good." Right after I said it I realized that we both said the same thing at the same time.
"And you do look really cute." we both laughed and smiled. It was the perfect way to get up in the morning. :)
I didn't want to make her sit in the back of the suburban all alone and she refused to sit in the front, so I sat with her in the back again. We picked up Georgian and went to church, which was totally completely awesome and amazing. :))))
After church, we went to lunch with Georgian at Texas Land and Cattle. :) That was a blast. Despite feeling a little sick, it was one of the best weekends ever. I really would relive it again if I could.
When the waiter came to order our food, he looks at Kayla and says, "Now what can I get for you and your husband."
She TOTALLY freaked out and we all died laughing. XD lol
The waiter said he was sorry and said, "Maybe one day?"
Kayla looks at me, smiles and says, "Maybe one day."
It made my day. We had some pretty hilarious conversations after that. It was just an all around amazing weekend.
Said goodbye to Kayla and her mom, and took Georgian to the airport. I still can't get her face out of my mind, the last time I saw her. We were standing in the parking lot and I held her for a little while.
"When am I going to see you again?" she asked.
"I don't know... Hopefully soon. I don't get to see you enough."
I kissed her on the forehead and let her go. She disappeared around the back of the suburban, and the last time I saw her she was getting in the car with her mom. I haven't been able to get her off my mind since then.

I know nobody reads this, so I'm just writing this for me... So I can read over it in the future. All of this stuff is really important to me. Really.

We took Georgian to the airport, and I helped him with his luggage. He gave us all huge hugs before he left. The people at the airport thought I was his son. Funny. I got confused for Kayla's husband and Georgian's son all in one day. Haha :) It was pretty great.
Anyways... Last week was just amazing. I would live it all again.

Today, it is Sunday, January 17th 2010. I started writing this a day or two ago, but wasn't feeling too well, so I saved is as a draft and I'm finishing it now. I just realized how much I write. I just wrote a book here. lol
Anyways... The next few things I write should be shorter. So don't worry.

I was supposed to go see Avatar at the IMAX theater downtown in 3D today with Kayla and her family, but I couldn't get tickets... when I tried they were all sold out. I still wish that would have worked. I know it was just a week ago today, but it feels like it has been an eternity since I've seen her. Anyways... I'm gonna stop writing now and go play guitar or something. Gotta get ready for the new season of 24 to start tonight. :) Sweet dreams, world. Talk to ya later.
-Brit







Thank you, God... For everything.