Well... Let me start by saying that life is crazy. If you know me at all and know my heart, you probably know a little bit about where I am right now. I won't go into detail but... Though I'm not unhappy, It's not quite where I want to be. I'm still holding on. And I can't help the laughs and smiles from crossing my face every once and a while. :) I am not unhappy at all. Jealous, envious, confused, slightly lost, but not unhappy... I should be unhappy considering all that I've been through in the last month or so, but then I think about all that life has in store for me and all the bad things seem to fade away.
I am in Florida right now, staying at Regis and Josh's house. :) And let me tell you that it is SOOO freaking good to get away! I needed a break from the familiar. From the people. I needed to get away from where the memories are. Sometimes taking a break from normal life is just the best thing you can do. And I am LOVING florida!
We got here Tuesday night I think. Britany, Kate, and Olivia came along to surprise Regis (as she didn't know that they were coming.) Which made getting here and seeing their reaction pretty fantastic.
We're here for a few different reasons:
1. To get away (Mostly my reason.)
2. To see Regis and Josh (Since they live here and she is about to have her first baby.)
3. For the Florida Glory Breakthrough Conference that dad is speaking at with Heidi Baker, Georgian Banov and a ton of other awesome people.
Regis is in labor right now and she has been since 6am yesterday morning... I feel bad for her. It's definitely not going as quick as she would have hoped. It is taking waaaaay too long. As are a few other things. I'll leave it at that.
So I have been reading Boneman's Daughters and it is SUCH an amazing book... I can't even begin to tell you how good it is. I am just about finished with it, and I have to admit that it is one of my absolute favorite books that Ted Dekker has ever written. So I definitely recommend that if you have some free time on your hands, if you're looking for a good book; even if you're not... Check out Boneman's Daughters by Ted Dekker. It is a very good book...
What lengths would a father go to to save his daughter? If a daughter is in the hands of a false father, someone else who is trying to be her father, a... "Father of Lies" if you will. This book beautifully shows passion and anger driven by pure love and need for Ryan to bring his daughter back home where she can live safe and sound and he can love her again. This book has been making me thing of what extreme measures I might go to just to save the one that I love, even if that someone resents me and my love. It's been opening up my eyes to a few different things and challenging my mind on different levels. Anyways... It's a great book! Just check it out! :)
I would write more, but I really have to go...
Should I be happy for them? Should I smile when she smiles? I should... I do. But this hole opens up inside of me and tries to swallow me whole... Jealousy. The dagger is standing up at the bottom of the hole, waiting for me to fall in so it can pierce my heart. It honestly does cause me anger. I know that I can live without her. I just don't want to. So I'll be around. But this... All of this... I will never ever ever understand.
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