Well... Here I am again. It's been a crazy... a very crazy week. Very good and very bad. My life is perfect but such a mess and I am trying to keep from falling apart. For the most part, I'm doing okay... Okay. I'll start with Saturday.
I woke up, looked out my window and stared into a winter wonderland. It had snowed the night before and everything was covered in white. The wind would blow and snow would fall from the trees. It was beautiful. I went outside, ran around the town, played with the snow, and then spent the rest of the day making a video about me and my snowball, which was quite a lot of fun. lol It's a love story. I uploaded it on Youtube. Here it is if you want to check it out.
SUNDAY was alright... Dad preached at the Country Church and had me and Sara get up and each say something quick at the end. I got up and gave a quick word over the church and the people. Later, we went to lunch at the Pizza Ranch and went back home.
MONDAY... was not such a good day.. At all. Mostly stayed home and did nothing Monday morning. It snowed a little bit Monday night. I had nothing else to do and I thought it would go good with the snow so I turned on Edward Scissorhands. Love that movie! It is so good... Anyways... I finished watching the movie and went and got on the computer. Pretty much every time I would get on, I would go to Chelsie's blog to see if she had written anything new. Well... She had... Even just reading the first words broke my heart.. "Why the hell? Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I be normal..." It went on forever. Talking about how she can't do anything right... How she hates her life... Reading it, my heart broke for her. I couldn't help but tear up reading it. Especially when it came to the part where she said we were through... especially when she said she couldn't talk to or see me anymore... Especially when she said she loved me but it couldn't go on or we would both get hurt... I'd do anything to make her happy. I'd do anything just to see the smile on her face. I do love her... And I do care for her.... I hate being a thousand miles away. I can't stand it.
I stayed up until 3 that night, writing her messages, commenting on her blog, I tried calling her twice and ended up leaving her messages... But no... It's over.... She doesn't want anything to do with me, she doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to talk to me... Nothing is as perfect as it was... If I could go back in time, I would... If I could have everything stay the say it was just a month or two ago, I would...
I wish I could go back to the moment we both sat side by side at Camp Tejas, watching the sun come up over the lake. We both got up at 5 in the morning to meet each other at the lake. It was when we first met... We met there, and we sat and talked until the sun came up. It was beautiful.
I wish I could go back and feel what I felt every time I was with her when we first talked about dating.
I wish I could go back to her birthday, Sunday morning, September 13th. Me and Shannon secretly had a cake made with a picture of me and Chelsie on it. Chelsie was upset when I first showed up at church. I walked down to the tree, met her there and I held her. Then I asked her if she wanted her birthday present. I reached into my backpack and pulled out an Itunes gift card, a Shiny new nickle (That she asked me for), a note that I wrote her, a pack of Sour Skittles (One of her favorite candies) and a white teddy bear that I picked out just for her... I wish I could go back to that moment and see the smile on her face the second that I gave it all to her.
I wish I could go back to the moment we snuck away together to the pond during youth and watched the sun go down.
But sometimes it just seems that there are more wishes than there are stars...
I've made so many wishes. I dream that they will come true. But I guess I'm just a dreamer... I don't know. I honestly don't know what my life is going to be like. I know how I'd want it to be. But how I want it to be is so much different than it is.
Somehow I almost feel like this is a good thing with me being so far away... But this isn't at all how I wanted it to be. This is exactly what I wanted not to happen before I left. I was afraid of this... I don't know... The only girl I want to be with besides Chelsie is off running after some other guy. We still talk a lot and I love her as a friend. She is such a sweet girl and I care about her so much. If she does end up dating this guy, I hope that he's good to her. Anyways... I shouldn't even be thinking about dating right now... I can't even think about it. So yeah, that was the worst part of my week.
TUESDAY... I barely lived through.
WEDNESDAY was absolutely amazing. My mom had talked on Facebook to Reza Borchardt. He is a crazy awesome super famous magician I have been wanting to meet for a long time.
This is him. You can check out more of his videos on Youtube.
So we drove down there and met him at his warehouse and he gave me a tour, showed me a bunch of his illusions and we sat and talked for a long time. I ended up hanging out with him for a full 3 hours. It was awesome. He is such a great guy. And an AWESOME magician! He gave me some very good pointers and talked to me about putting together a show. It was very cool. i was so glad I got to meet him. Anyways.. Yesterday was awesome.
RIGHT NOW, I am sitting on the floor at the house, watching Evan Almighty. Such a good movie.
Granddad got home from the hospital today for the first time in a long time. It's good to see him back at home... I love it here but I think I'll be ready to get back to Texas soon. The reason I really wanted to go back was to be with Chelsie... I guess that's not on the list anymore... Anyway... I'm gonna go... do something. Goodbye for now people... I don't even know if anybody reads this but... goodnight.
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