The Breaking/Hatching of a Heart. And Words from my Heart

I gave you everything that I had
I guess it wasn't quite enough
I threw my heart out on a string
And I did it all for love
I waited on you for hours
Until those hours grew into days
I wanted nothing more than to see you happy
To see the smile on your face


For every moment spent together
The talk of dancing in the rain
Every second I held you in my arms
To take away the pain
For the moonlight on the water
The night we watched the stars
All these moments leading up to now
And the breaking of a heart


We ran away and climbed up the hill
The sun shining from above
You tripped fell right into my arms
It was then I fell in love
All the promises we have broken
And all the promises that we've kept
All the beautiful moments that lead to now and
The tears that we've both wept

The pain still there to remind me
Of reasons to be upset
Though all of it is behind me
There's still so much I regret
Though it's hard to believe it was meant to be
That it was all part of your plan
I'm starting to see that it's making me
The person who I am


So for the snow that comes with winter
For the growth that comes from pain
For the joke I can't remember
Although the laughter long remains
For the moonlight on the water
And the bright and morning star
Lord, I give you praise for all that makes
Of the hatching of a heart

For the strength that comes with friendship
For the warmth that comes with hope
For the love time can't diminish
And the time love takes to grow
For the faith that brought to finish
All I doubted at the start
Lord, I give you praise for all that makes
Of the hatching of a heart...



But I gave my heart to you... I believe it was meant to be. I made a promise to love you. With every breath I breathe. So if you decide to come back, I will be waiting right here. If there is a storm that you can't handle, I'll save you from your fears.

I'll always be here. I'll always love you. I do love you. More than you know... And if you'd look into my eyes, you would see it. If you touched me you just might feel it. If you knew me, you'd know my heart and my affection towards you. There's no one beside you that I could ever feel this way about. I love you. And those words aren't said only to win your affection... they're from my heart. Not from the bottom, but from the center of my heart, my hearts very core. And I mean what I say... I see you as the princess that you are. And I love you as the angel that you are... I love you. I love you. Forever, I'll love you. If only you would allow me to love you...
I'll be there to catch you when you fall
To love you when you don't feel loved
To care for you when you need someone
To be your lover
I'll be here.

And I start to think... Maybe this is what God is saying to us. He cries out for His bride, but do we listen? Or do we pursue something else... I'm glad our selfishness doesn't determine his love for us.
I love you, God... I feel I am beginning to know your heart. And thank you for giving it to me. I want to see the world in your eyes. So this is also the cry of my heart, that I be more like you. The way that I laugh, love, live... The way that I do life every day would reflect who you are. Teach me your ways. I almost feel like calling you Sensei, but you are so far above even the level that those who are called sensei have reached. You are beautiful. :) I want to SWIM in your presence! And bask in the glory of your face! And feel your love all around me! AHH! I love you, God! Thank you for giving me my heart. :)
BTW, God, if you ever read this, would you take the time to tell me what you think?? Your opinion matters to me the most. :)
I love you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much!!!!!! :D We need to hang out more often.

-Sincerely, Britain. :) Your son

SO! Here I am again. I know it's been a while.
So now we're back in Texas. We packed up the car and the van in Ruthton and hit the road with the two cars. Me, my mom, Sasha, and Sara rode in the Nissan and my dad and grandparents went in the van. We left November 2nd, Monday morning. We me, Sasha, my mom and sister got here Wednesday, November 4th and stayed with my aunt and uncle the first night. Dad and grandparents stopped in Oklahoma and came the next day.

Now, we are all here! :) We got back just in time for the Bill Johnson Conference at Church of the Hills, which was AMAZING. SUCH a good week. It was so good to see everyone again... Especially good to see Kayla, Caroline, Isaiah, Austin... the list goes on. But I missed those guys like crazy. You have no idea... I love every one of them.
I still wish I could see them more often, but I live forever away right now...

At the moment, we are living at the Reed's. They have such a beautiful place out here in Manchaca. You couldn't find me if you wanted to. GORGEOUS 2 story house, out in the middle of the woods. :) I go make campfires down by the river every once in a while and just talk to myself... and to God... And make wishes. Tell Him what's in my heart. That's kind of my secret place. It's so beautiful and... peaceful.

Last Monday, we went to Mozarts to see Kayla do her first gig. :) It was so crazy awesome. She is such an amazing, beautiful, and talented girl. I love her with all of my heart.
She started with City Lights (One of my FAVORITE songs of hers! :) She has a beautiful voice and is such an amazing song writer.) then sang How He Loves, Andy's Song, and went on with her setlist... She did such a great job. :) We only stayed for half of it but I was really glad I got to go. She has such an amazing life ahead of her.
I did a lot of thinking that night... Haven't really stopped thinking since. Sometimes I think I might think too much.
I did vigure out that Mozarts is one of my new favorite places on the planet! Such a cool place to hang out and just relax, drink good coffee, look at the lake. :) It's an awesome place.

I have been feeling really, really lonely lately... It could be that, well, I'm alone most of the time. Yeah, I'm guessing that might have something to do with it. Most of the time, I will just sit up in my room, reading, doing school, watching a tv show or a movie, playing guitar or recording a song in my closet. Every once in a while, I'll go take a walk in the woods or go to my spot down by the river. I'm just tired of being alone... I want someone. Just to be with. And talk to. And love. And pour my heart out to. I want... Someone to call princess. There's really only one person. I told her once that I honestly believe that I would die without her. And I did believe that. And I think that when she left, a part of me did die... I've changed so much since then. And I honestly don't know if that part of me will ever be revived again. I can't look at anyone the same way. For now I'm just me... And only me. Not Britain and So and So. There's no WE. There's no US. It's just... Britain. And if things keep going this way, it may just be that way for a very long time. I'm sick of it. But I might as well just get used to it. I've tried to get her back. And I treat her like a princess... Because I believe she is one. But it's never enough. I'm done. For now. I just might go back to my original plan and live alone, being the magician I always dreamed of becoming.

I heard a line in a song the other day that I thought was really interesting... It went something like, "Can we fix what was made to be broken? 'Cause I feel like I can barely fix what's made to be." Anyways... Sounds like how I feel. I thought that was a really interesting line.

SOOOOOOOOO! Now. Here I am. Laying on the floor in my bedroom, thinking, wondering, dreaming. Being the dreamer that I am. I'm gonna go read Red in a little while before I go to bed. Tomorrow we have to move furniture and stuff, get the Reeds stuff moved out, and our stuff moved in.
Ben and Nate might be staying over here tomorrow night. That'd be fun. :) I like having them around. And their sister Sierra and I have actually got to know eachother pretty well. :) She is a very cool girl. And she is coming to the Owl City concert with us December 16th, which I am REALLY excited about!!! =D I like hanging out with them and their family. love those guys. Their little sister, Arianna, is staying here tonight.

OH! Another cool thing really quick! Last Sunday,I got to speak at In The City For The City! They had set up a stage in the parking lot across form the Bob Bullock Museum and had different worship teams playing, and people giving words and all kinds of crazy cool stuff. Pam Brimberry had called me a few nights before and asked if I wanted to speak. So I said... SURE! Haha A little after 7pm Sunday evening, I got up on stage, gave a quick word and testimony about my eyes being healed at camp, and prayed over the whole group of people and the city of Austin! It was pretty flippin' sweet! :)
Had a great night. Got to hang out with Miles and Kayla at Wendy's and... Anyways. It was just great.

So that's my life. I'm gonna go read or something. Thanks for reading.
Love you guys
-Brit

Dreams: Parts 1 and 2

I just finished and posted part 2 of DREAMS. Check them out, comment and tell me what you think.

Click here to read Part 1!

Click here to read Part 2!

I'm sorry if part 2 is kind of rough. I wrote it and didn't have time to read over it. I'll check it out in the morning and see what I think. Maybe do some editing. But I want YOUR opinion! So help me out by reading. :) Thanks.

So sad... And so true.

It's hard to lose someone who you'd bleed yourself dry for.



I'll write more eventually.

God, my life is insane... Crazy, wonderful, awful, amazing... So many things I wish I could change.

Well... Here I am again. It's been a crazy... a very crazy week. Very good and very bad. My life is perfect but such a mess and I am trying to keep from falling apart. For the most part, I'm doing okay... Okay. I'll start with Saturday.
I woke up, looked out my window and stared into a winter wonderland. It had snowed the night before and everything was covered in white. The wind would blow and snow would fall from the trees. It was beautiful. I went outside, ran around the town, played with the snow, and then spent the rest of the day making a video about me and my snowball, which was quite a lot of fun. lol It's a love story. I uploaded it on Youtube. Here it is if you want to check it out.


SUNDAY was alright... Dad preached at the Country Church and had me and Sara get up and each say something quick at the end. I got up and gave a quick word over the church and the people. Later, we went to lunch at the Pizza Ranch and went back home.

MONDAY... was not such a good day.. At all. Mostly stayed home and did nothing Monday morning. It snowed a little bit Monday night. I had nothing else to do and I thought it would go good with the snow so I turned on Edward Scissorhands. Love that movie! It is so good... Anyways... I finished watching the movie and went and got on the computer. Pretty much every time I would get on, I would go to Chelsie's blog to see if she had written anything new. Well... She had... Even just reading the first words broke my heart.. "Why the hell? Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I be normal..." It went on forever. Talking about how she can't do anything right... How she hates her life... Reading it, my heart broke for her. I couldn't help but tear up reading it. Especially when it came to the part where she said we were through... especially when she said she couldn't talk to or see me anymore... Especially when she said she loved me but it couldn't go on or we would both get hurt... I'd do anything to make her happy. I'd do anything just to see the smile on her face. I do love her... And I do care for her.... I hate being a thousand miles away. I can't stand it.
I stayed up until 3 that night, writing her messages, commenting on her blog, I tried calling her twice and ended up leaving her messages... But no... It's over.... She doesn't want anything to do with me, she doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to talk to me... Nothing is as perfect as it was... If I could go back in time, I would... If I could have everything stay the say it was just a month or two ago, I would...

I wish I could go back to the moment we both sat side by side at Camp Tejas, watching the sun come up over the lake. We both got up at 5 in the morning to meet each other at the lake. It was when we first met... We met there, and we sat and talked until the sun came up. It was beautiful.

I wish I could go back and feel what I felt every time I was with her when we first talked about dating.

I wish I could go back to her birthday, Sunday morning, September 13th. Me and Shannon secretly had a cake made with a picture of me and Chelsie on it. Chelsie was upset when I first showed up at church. I walked down to the tree, met her there and I held her. Then I asked her if she wanted her birthday present. I reached into my backpack and pulled out an Itunes gift card, a Shiny new nickle (That she asked me for), a note that I wrote her, a pack of Sour Skittles (One of her favorite candies) and a white teddy bear that I picked out just for her... I wish I could go back to that moment and see the smile on her face the second that I gave it all to her.

I wish I could go back to the moment we snuck away together to the pond during youth and watched the sun go down.

But sometimes it just seems that there are more wishes than there are stars...
I've made so many wishes. I dream that they will come true. But I guess I'm just a dreamer... I don't know. I honestly don't know what my life is going to be like. I know how I'd want it to be. But how I want it to be is so much different than it is.
Somehow I almost feel like this is a good thing with me being so far away... But this isn't at all how I wanted it to be. This is exactly what I wanted not to happen before I left. I was afraid of this... I don't know... The only girl I want to be with besides Chelsie is off running after some other guy. We still talk a lot and I love her as a friend. She is such a sweet girl and I care about her so much. If she does end up dating this guy, I hope that he's good to her. Anyways... I shouldn't even be thinking about dating right now... I can't even think about it. So yeah, that was the worst part of my week.



TUESDAY... I barely lived through.



WEDNESDAY was absolutely amazing. My mom had talked on Facebook to Reza Borchardt. He is a crazy awesome super famous magician I have been wanting to meet for a long time.
This is him. You can check out more of his videos on Youtube.


So we drove down there and met him at his warehouse and he gave me a tour, showed me a bunch of his illusions and we sat and talked for a long time. I ended up hanging out with him for a full 3 hours. It was awesome. He is such a great guy. And an AWESOME magician! He gave me some very good pointers and talked to me about putting together a show. It was very cool. i was so glad I got to meet him. Anyways.. Yesterday was awesome.




RIGHT NOW, I am sitting on the floor at the house, watching Evan Almighty. Such a good movie.
Granddad got home from the hospital today for the first time in a long time. It's good to see him back at home... I love it here but I think I'll be ready to get back to Texas soon. The reason I really wanted to go back was to be with Chelsie... I guess that's not on the list anymore... Anyway... I'm gonna go... do something. Goodbye for now people... I don't even know if anybody reads this but... goodnight.

Risk of Love

Do you remember all the moments
Every word we said
Do I still mean so much to you
Or to you am I just dead
Did I really mean the world to you
Or was it just a fake
Is love a game, a joke, a trade
That we give and take away

Do you think about me the way you did
Or have those thoughts passed away
I still can't help but think about you
Every single day
It's the way you'd cry
You'd laugh
You'd smile
It was the way I held your hand
Moments that we spent together
Now footprints in the sand

Will you let this love all go
Just simply wash away
When the tide comes in and the moon hangs low
The footprints fade away
Is this a love worth fighting for
Do you really care?
Was it all a game
A masquerade
A reason to dress up and fix your hair

Wasn't it love that we started with?
Did we lose it along the way
When the tides came in and we let go
The footprints began to fade
If you cared, then you'd protect the sand
We worked so hard to shape
Is this a love worth fighting for
Or is it just a game

We jump, we leap, we hope to soar
We wish to God to fly
A love that is worth living for
Is also worth your life
Love is a cry, a touch, a word, a jump
You have to risk the fall
If love doesn't mean anything to you
Then it isn't love at all

The days go by, my life moves on
Now I can barely stand
I turn around and remember
All our footprints in the sand.
I wonder if the risk was worth it
As I lie here on the floor
But if you don't risk everything
You're risking even more


-Britain Vanderbush

About my latest post

I am writing this just incase you are wondering what my last post is about. "Dreams."
The answer you won't truly find out until I post part 2. Part 2 will open your eyes to a lot of things, questions that you may be asking yourself right now or after reading part 1.
Dreams is written from the point of view of a 22 year old girl named Sara. I could explain her life to you, but you will have to read the Dreams posts that I put up to learn more about her. :)
How did this start? Well I don't really know. I sometimes take little trips in my mind To different places, as different characters, and I often come back with amazing stories. This is one of them. Please comment and let me know what you think.

Dreams Part 2 will be showing up very soon. :)

Dreams: Part 2

I wrote this really fast and posted it.


STOP RIGHT THERE!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT YET READ PART ONE, YOU MOST DEFINITELY SHOULD!
Click HERE to read Part 1.


This is a dream...
No. Not a dream. I don't have dreams. Only nightmares. Sweet, beautiful nightmares that I wish I could live in forever. Dreams, nightmares of Heaven. How is a nightmare of Heaven possible? Well... Because I'm in Hell. It's like a poor man who has a dream that he finds all the money and riches he could ever want in the world and then wakes up, realizing he has none... It's a nightmare. I dream of Heaven; And I awake in hell.
From my grandfathers arms, into the pits of hell is where I went. Noise. Fire. Crashing of stones and breaking of bones. Sounds of death swirling all around me. The pain returned. Blood returned to my empty wounds. Pain shot through my body, fifty, a hundred, then a thousand times worse than before. A slash like one from the blade of a sword shot across my stomach, burrowing through the tired flesh. I curled forward letting the blood pour out like a waterfall. Splashing of blood the only sounds I could hear amidst the crashing of rocks, scowling voices of evil, crackling fire under the breath of the evil one. Burning... Fire in my bones, the only thing I could feel. My flesh began to burn. A beast, a silhouette against the discolored rocks, glowing red behind him, suddenly appeared above me. 9... 10... 12 feet tall. Towering over me, arms raised, holding something over his head. He was going to drop it on me. I began to climb up, using every ounce of strength I had left. No strength. But I Had to find safety. Safety in Hell, pfft. I doubt anything of the kind exists. In the pits of hell, what could be safe?
I always remembered saying since I was a teenager that there was safety in the darkness. I would sing my song from the CD that my parents bought me for Christmas when I was 13 years old. It was a Christian Cd called Apparitions of Melody by Kids in the Way. I remember their song. I would sing it all the time... I will find you there, somewhere in the dark. Buried in a place between dead and broken hearts. There's safety in the darkness. There's safety in the dark
I was obsessed with darkness. Obsessed with the shadow that it would create when standing in front of the source of light. I loved death. Every chance we got, me and my friends would drive down to one of the local bars and get drunk. We'd blow all our money just to feel free. We loved to get drunk. We all did. Then we'd cut ourselves. From the elbow to the wrist, I had so many scars. But they don't even compare in number and size to the wounds that are there now. A few scars remain, torturing me, telling me how worthless I am. I'm nothing but a bit of filth... Here, I can choose to believe that and they actually believe with me. But I want more. I want life again. I never knew as I carved those letters and symbols into my arms that all I was doing was creating a closer bond with Hell, the place I can no longer escape. I thought about what might happen if one of us died. Travis would always drive us off somewhere in his car once we were all drunk... Him too. It had been three months since I moved in with my boy friend and we were going back to his place like we usually ended up doing... God, I wish I wouldn't have climbed into the car that night... Maybe if I would have stayed behind, I wouldn't be here right now, feeling this pain.
The boulder came crashing down on my like a sledge hammer. It pushed my face into the floor. I hoped and wished that I could only pass out from the pain. I felt I was going into shock. But there is no relief here of pain. It's only death. It surrounds us. I hear the cries from the other people around me. The other poor, tortured souls. I hear their cries of pain. I can not distinguish my own amongst them. Thousand of voices raging in tears. Pure hell. Now I lay here without breath, wishing I could breath, but the boulder pins me to the hard, rocky ground like a thumbtack into a bulletin board. I entire body swelled with pain. I saw the large hand choose a giant rock, half the size of my head. He took it in his fist, walked toward me and slammed it in my head. Once... Twice... Three times... Over and over and over until the blood flew from my head like rain drops on the floor as I lay in my own puddle of blood. Drowning in it. There was no way my face could be recognizable now.
He stood up and threw the rock at me one last time. It hit me in the eye... I couldn't tell if my right eye was still there or not... I could only see out of my left. He lifted the boulder from my back. My spine was broken. Every bone in my back felt like it was torn apart and displaced. It probably was. He lifted the boulder from my back and I begged for my first breath, breathing in pain. Inhaling my own puddle of blood off the rocky and burning hot ground. And then rivers of blood flowing out or my mouth, across the ground, as if my entire body was trying to drain itself of its blood.
I could no longer breathe. Lungs did not work. Both probably punctured. Sweet, sweet air, I could no longer breathe. The air in Hell wasn't anything remotely close to sweet. But at a moment like this, even one breath of it would have been a gift from Heaven. I remembered my grandpa saying, "Life isn't about the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." And my breath was taken away now. Maybe for good. But this wasn't life. This was pure death. What was death all about? I don't really know.
All those nights I spent wishing for drugs, suicide, death, and now I wish I could take it all back. The living hell that was my life, the pain I felt in some of those times didn't even compare to real hell and the pain I feel now. God, save me! But I can not be saved... I was a sinner. Are these the thoughts that go through a sinners head?
BAM! Another rock slammed on my back and lifted, breaking my bones. Pain like no other.
If I could just see my granddad now to tell him I'm sorry... Tell him I didn't live life the way he told me to but now I know he was right.
BAM! A second. Slamming down. I coughed up blood, crying... Hell ringing in my ears. Now with my back most definitely broken, I could not move, could not push myself up with my arms. I was paralyzed. Now I could do nothing but watch my mangled hand shaking on the ground in front of me and lay here, drowned in my very own blood.
Life... Sweet, sweet life. I miss sweet life so much. All the time I was wishing for death, I never knew it would bring me here... I thought that it might, but I didn't think it could have been any worse than the pain that I was feeling... Now, looking back, I realized I could have changed everything. Now, every day, all I will feel is pain. This is a nightmare, and tomorrow, I'll have to live it over again. And again... And again. All I will feel is pain. All I know is fear. I could never wish this Hell upon anyone. I wish I could go back to tell them to change. But even if I was sent back to earth and told them what I have been through, who would believe, and how many would truly make a change...? Very few. Sadly, I know that most of the world will one day soon be here with me. And I can't help but weep for them. Weep for me. Weep for another life forgotten. Weep for the moments that I wasted. Every moment was a gift... I just wish I could do it all over again. But I don't think I'll ever get this chance.
Death.....

The diary of my mind- Sara

Dreams: Part 1

Darkness surrounds me. Nothing. Nothing but the beating of my heart and the pain that can still be felt in my body from the fire that touched it the night before. Pain. Then nothing. A flash of light, white, silver and grey. This is it! This is what I have been longing for, crying out for, asking for every day as I work, as my body burns. This is what I wanted. I smile. The pain seeps away and the wounds seem to heal as the light touches them. The blood from my many wounds dotted the white floor beneath me. Was this love, the light that I was before me?
Suddenly, a world began to form in front of me. As if I were blinded momentarily and all I could see was this white. Colors, shapes, trees began to form before me. A whole new world. Trees covered in fruit. So many different colors.
A river began to form. Perfect, flowing waters cascaded down the river and in between smooth rocks that jutted out from the bottom. Tears began to drip down my face as this world began to form before my eyes. I heard somewhere that dreams came true. My grandpa used to tell me back when I lived on the earth, oh so long ago. Compared to where I lived these last few months, the earth could have been Heaven. But even this surpassed any beauty that I had seen on earth. This had to be Heaven. This was Heaven...
I began to run through the soft, green grass below me that slowly swayed in the wind like waves. Every step, like breathing in new life. I could stay in this moment forever.
I began to pull the beautifully covered fruits off the trees, eating them one by one, biting in and letting the sweet, wonderful juice drip down my chin. There was nowhere on earth I'd rather be. Except for maybe back to the moment 16 years ago when I was just 6 years old, laying in my grandfathers arms, rocking with him in his big, blue Lazy boy rocker, listening to him tell me how good Jesus is... How much he loved me. I remembered getting goosebumps all over when he used to talk about it... I listened, but I never really did. My ears heard his words, my heart took nothing from them. And now, 16 years later, they still ring through my mind just as clear as they did the moment he told them to me. He was right... Jesus did exist. God was always with me, around me. If I could be anywhere else, it would be lying in that mans arms this very second, telling him that he was right. That dreams really did come true. That I should have listened to his every word. That I loved him.... That he was my best friend... No one else cared for me the way that he did. I fell on my side, still tasting the last bite of fruit in my mouth. I began to weep. "Jesus... God! Forgive me, Daddy. I need you... God, I hate living my life without you," I said, barely able to keep my words together between the sounds of my breathing and the flowing tears that ran uncontrollably from my eyes. "Jesus... You're everything." As I said it, the words rang out a hundred... No. A thousand times! Like beautiful music, it sounded. "Jesus, You are everything!" My voice rang out through the forest.
A sound. From far off... A song. Somebody was singing. No, not someone. A whole group of people, singing a tune and dancing as streets of gold formed before them. It was their ground. Wherever they walked, everything changed. Even became more... alive! If that was even possible. Everything here seemed to be so filled with life already. Death poked out it's ugly head out from nowhere. Not from behind a tree, not from behind a branch. Nowhere. It was all life, beauty, joy. I never ever ever wanted to leave.
A young boy with blond hair, maybe about 6 years old was wearing a tunic with a red cloth tied around his waist was singing, dancing, jumping up and down. The most beautiful voice, I thought. His voice seemed to stand out among the others. Sounded more... pure. Perfect. Beautiful. His voice send chills running down my spine. This was true beauty.
His eye caught mine as he twirled around. He stopped, looked at me for a moment, his eyes lit up. Those big, blue, beautiful eyes. He began to run toward me, off the path of gold.
"Sara," he shouted. Coming only about as high as my stomach, he reached me and threw his arms around my waist. "We have been waiting for you! Well, I have!" He smiled and looked up at me. A sparkle in his eye caught my attention. For the first time in a long time, I felt loved. I did not know this child, but somehow I did. I bent down, took him in my arms and sobbed on his little shoulder.
"I love you, Sara."
"I love you too," I said back. Why did I say it? Well, because I honestly did love this little fellow. He had shown me love for the first time in days, months... had it been years?
I lifted my face from the boys shoulder and gazed over at an old man, dressed in the same slacks and same long sleeved blue and white plaid shirt that I remembered from so long ago. Grandpa. I froze.
"Wanna go see him?" The little boy asked with a huge smile on his face.
"Yes. Yes I do," I said through tears. "Granddad..." I began to walk to him, to run to him. He spread his arms and brought me in. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me. I never wanted to let go. It was that same smell on his shirt. That same smile on his face. That same feeling that I had when he used to hold me as a little girl. I wanted to hold on forever and never let go. "You were right, granddad. You were right... Dreams really do come true." My tears staining his shirt as they had so many times before. "Why didn't I ever listen? I love you, Granddad. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Princess. I missed you."
This was Heaven. This was all I ever could have asked for. This was love...


Click here to read Part 2

Dreamer

Do you ever sit and dream, just wonder what life would be like if this one certain thing would happen, if just one dream would come true? Do you ever wish? Do you ever imagine? Do you ever dream of becoming something more than you already are? We all do. We all want something more, we all want something different. We all want to live a dream, a new life, a fairy tale. Will we ever?
Do you ever wish to be in love? To have someone to love? Do you ever dream of that perfect person and think that they are out there somewhere in the world and one day, maybe, just maybe you might find them? Do you wish that you could fall in love? That you could wake up every morning knowing that you love someone with all your heart and they love you just as much. And every morning, you wake up thinking of them and you know that they are doing the same, thinking of you. Do you ever wish that you had someone to smile about, someone that smiles about you just at the thought of you? Who doesn't? Everybody does. Everyone longs for love. To be loved... We all dream our own little fairy tales. But sometimes... life tells us that what we dream... it doesn't matter. Dreaming of something won't always make it happen. It's just something you imagine. Something you would love to love but know you never could.
Are dreams worth dreaming if dreams will never happen?
Is live worth living if it won't be lived the way we dream?
We always want something that's worth living for.
We always want someone who makes us feel more.
We always want life, love, perfection.
Will we ever find it in this world?
In this life.
Why can't we be as fortunate as the ones who do? Better yet, the ones who don't dream but get more than they ever wished for.
Every person that you see on TV, hear on the radio, see in a football game, they dreamed at one time of being there. They've stood the ground that you now stand. What would have happened if they stopped dreaming? They hit bumps in the road too. I'm sure they still do. But how will we get what we wish we had if we never dreamed of it. How can we become someone greater if we do not dream of who we might become?
If you are stuck in a dark room where there is no light, should we stop dreaming of the light and what is outside of the room simply because we might never see it? Ignoring the light and saying we will never find it is never going to get us to the place where we can see it's beauty once again. Because the light is real, and it's all around you. If you dream of getting out of that room, you can get out. With work, and perseverance, and the hope that we have from our dreams, maybe one day we will. And we will see that light shining brighter than ever. Dreams open up whole new doors. Letting go of a dream is letting go of one more handle and letting that door slam right in your face. So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
and we never even know we have the key.

















The truth is, we're all dreamers. We're all fighters. We're all lovers... Dreams, fights, love... We dream of a love worth fighting for. We wish to find it. We wish that we knew how. True love is not something that you can force, or make happen. An experience and encounter with God can not be forced or created by man. It's something that happens because of your total and complete love towards God and His for you. Trying to create that, to bribe him with candies and treats and fake sacrifices isn't going to create that. Only love. Love can find you, and you will find it too, only if you are looking. But until that moment the you have that encounter, don't stop dreaming of it. I know I won't see Chelsie for quite a while. And I miss her and dream of her still. Just because I might not see her for a long time doesn't mean I will stop dreaming of the moment that I will hold her in my arms again. I know that one day soon I will hug her and I will hold her, look her in her beautiful blue eyes and tell her I love her and see her smile in my arms once again. And I'll dream of it until then. Don't ever stop dreaming. It will open up the door for something new and beautiful to happen.

What you dwell on and what you wish for the most is your greatest treasure.

What you pursue with your greatest passion is your greatest treasure.

There is no greater gift than love. And if it is something that we truly treasure, we will pursue it.

Look for love... But look in the right places.

Seek and you shall find.

Look for love, and you will find love. Because love... it's running after you.
You can let it catch you. You will find it. Dream of it until then.

Dream with great passion and never stop dreaming. One day, you just might find what you're looking for.
I am Britain Vanderbush. And I am a dreamer. Read with me, and dream with me.
Welcome to my blog. This is me. :)


The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Ruthton Minnesota & Our Journey Here

Well here I am in Ruthton, Minnesota once again. It's a very small town. Less than 300 people live here. Right now, I am one of them. Every day is a little bit different, yet somewhat the same. Slow. Relaxing. Almost perfect. In my mind, adventurous! I don't think hardly anything has gone wrong since I've been here. I feel like I could almost be anything right now. Anyone I want to be, I can take the time to become because there just isn't much else to do.
Every time I see something here it opens up my mind to a whole new world, brings back memories of coming here to my grandparents house when I was a little kid. Exploring the different rooms of the basement with a flashlight and a BB gun just to be safe in case I ran into anyone down there. The basement was my dungeon, a place where I could use my imagination. This whole town was. All the old houses out in the middle of nowhere. Who knows how many of them could be haunted or have some crazy treasure hidden beneath them? This is the perfect place for a kid to grow up. So many things to do, places to go, things to see, mysteries to be solved. I can almost feel like that little 6 year old boy who lived here so long ago. Running through the town, doing and imagining the craziest things. I just love it here.



We left Austin around 2:00pm last Tuesday. Almost a week ago now. We were planning to leave earlier but got held up because we had to take stuff to the storage unit in Leander and had to wait for it to stop raining first. It just happened to pour rain that day!


Well, we hit the road and I got out my book and started reading. I finished reading Black by the time we got to Minnesota. SUCH an amazing book! Ted Dekker is a genius! My all time favorite writer and the guy who inspired me to write, Ted Dekker is absolutely amazing. I can not wait to read the next three books in the Circle Series.
I rode most of the way reading my book with Sasha resting her head on my lap. (Sasha is my dog, just to let you know.) :D Haha


We were going to drive all night but my mom got tired and didn't want to have to sleep in the car, so we stopped at a small motel in Perry, Oklahoma that let dogs stay for an extra $5.00. Wasn't the greatest place in the world but who cared? We were just tired and wanted a bed to sleep in. :)



The next morning, we got up, my mom took Sasha outside to walk around a little bit and there was a HUGE, BEAUTIFUL rainbow right outside the hotel door. It was almost a double rainbow with another rainbow inside of it! It was amazing! :) It almost reminded me of the rainbows we would see every day when we lived in Hawaii, but not as vivid and colorful. Either way, it was a rainbow and it was beautiful. :) The five of us, Mom, Dad, Sara, Sasha, and me of course, got dressed, got back in the crammed car, and hit the road. Later that night, we were in Ruthton Minnesota. :)

Friday Saturday and Sunday

Well it's been one crazy week. :) Good and bad. Awesome and ugly. Honestly, it was completely insane. Really horrible, but somehow really good. Sometimes life is just so hard to understand. It's so crazy, so unpredictable, so awful, so wonderful, so beautiful, so perfect... What is life? Hmm... It can be anything you want it to be depending on how you live it. It is a gift. And... Well... Mine is pretty crazy right now. But how couldn't I love it? :) It's pretty darn amazing. What makes it amazing, you ask? Well... That's not a hard question to answer. The friends around me, the people I love, the ones who keep me smiling, they make my life amazing. :)
Chelsie, Shannon, Briggs, Nichole, Kayla, Christina, Austin, Sara... there are too many to name. :) The people around me make my life amazing. And I love every one of them so very much. Mom, Dad, Sara, I love those guys so much. They have been going through some hard stuff lately and I know it, but we are still surviving. And we just keep moving on. I love you guys so much. :)

Well. I'll give you a quick update and then post another blog about my day.

FRIDAY:
Went to work, to my surprise Jake Holcomb was waiting outside when I came to unlock. Turns out HE is the one who is taking my job. Which was actually really cool cause I got to train him and everything. :) That went well. He cleaned out one of the machines, took it apart and put it back together by himself. He did awesome. Today was his first day on his own, and he texted me asking me how to do stuff. But I think he is doing great.
After work, I went to lunch next door at Guadalajara with Jay and my dad. Jay paid me extra this last week and said they would miss me around there while I am gone. That was amazing. I have the best boss ever. Before I left, he handed me an envelope with $200 in cash and said to enjoy my trip. God, I love that guy. He is so awesome.
When I was done with lunch, I went back to Berry Cool to see Caroline because she was working. I ended up sticking around and helping her out since the place was really crowded. A little after 4, Zach came by and picked me up to take me rock climbing at Lifetime with him and Cameron. that was a BLAST! I have some pictures and videos of that I need to upload when I get the chance. Later that night, went to a football game at Rouse to see Chelsie. Got to meet Ryan finally. Very cool. He rocks. :) For some reason, I just like him. I'm not too sure why. Haha I've known him for a few days and he already feels like a brother. Haha After that, I went home and slept...


SATURDAY:
The big day! The day I had been waiting for! It was the dance! Well... Chelsie decided not to go. She doesn't like school dances. Now I know why. I completely agree with her about dances. Haha It was CRAZY!!! It would have been great, but it was crowded, very loud, and there was no way we would have been able to spend much time together if we wanted to.
So because she didn't want to go to the dance, she had planned a party at her house. Well, I was going to go, but because of previous plans and for a few different reasons, my parents made me go to the dance and wouldn't allow me to go to the party. So now I am stuck going to the dance alone and then going home with Briggs. (That part I was still looking forward to. the rest I was pretty bummed about.)
So anyways, Chelsie heard I couldn't come to the party so she decided that she would come to the dance for a while and then go to the party around 9:30. I love her so much. :) Even though she didn't want to come, she ended up going anyway so we could see eachother. :) I found out, and I was quite happy. We had been gone all day so I stopped by the church, dressed myself up, made myself smell good, and walked out of the building with a great big smile on my face. I rode there with Briggs, Cory and Matt.
They dropped me and Briggs off at the dance a little after 8 which gave us about an hour-an hour and a half. So everything was good. Briggs sprayed some of my cologne stuff in the car to make himself smell good. He sprayed a ton and we ended up having to roll down the windows and let the car air out. It was pretty hilarious. lol
So we go in the dance, I hug Chelsie, and we spend the night running around, laughing at people and watching them dance. I've never done anything but slow dance in my life. The only song I almost attempted to dance to was Single Ladies. But I won't go there. Haha Chelsie walked around and I followed. I knew that she didn't want to dance so I didn't bother her about it. Before too long, I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that it was 9:30 and Chelsie had to leave.
I knew she didn't want to come in the first place so I really wanted to make the night worth it to her.
I had imagined us not wanting to dance, walking outside hand and hand, and ending the night laying in the grass and looking at the stars together. Well. It wasn't really like that. At all.
She got a text that said she had to go.
"I'm not leaving here without actually getting to spend some time with you," I said. I took her hand and we walked together, hand in hand through the crowd of people. As soon as we stepped out the front door, we were stopped. This was NOT a part of my plan. There were some school people standing outside the front door making sure that none of the kids left the dance. This was definitely NOT supposed to happen. Cory wouldn't be able to pick up me and Briggs until around 11:00pm so I was bout to be stuck at a school dance for an hour and a half and I didn't even get to spend any time alone with the girl that I came there for in the first place. My mind almost exploded! The night was not going the way that I imagined it. I honestly felt like a horrible boyfriend because she came to the dance because of me and we didn't even get to spend much time together. Well... Her grandma was waiting outside, she said she really had to go, so I stood with her by the front door, held her in my arms for the longest time, and then let her just slip away. I watched her walk out the front door and to her car. I walked back into the dance... I could barely hold back the urge to run outside, past the ladies and security guards at the front door and... well... It didn't happen. I beat myself up for it the rest of the night. Once I walked back inside, I realized that in just a couple of days I was leaving for Minnesota and that might have been the last time I would get to see her. At that moment, when I realized that, I honestly wanted to die. I don't think I have ever had the desire of getting drunk more than I did that night. They didn't have any alcohol, so I settled for a Dr. Pepper and went to sit at one of the tables with Briggs. well... the night went on. For an hour and a half, we sat and watched them dance, wishing we could be at that party.
After the dance, we went to Briggs' house, ate beef jerky, drank mountain dew and watched an episode of the Fringe and then Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I fell asleep about 30 minutes into it... And I had a dream about Chelsie. We were under a tree, playing on a tire swing by the church.


SUNDAY:
Well, I woke up feeling like the worlds worst boyfriend for having her come to the dance. Sadly, I couldn't text her because my phone had died while I was at the dance the night before and I didn't bring my charger with me. (I'm a genius.:P) I went to bed thinking about her, I had a dream about her, and I woke up thinking about her. She's always on my mind anyway, but I felt terrible. Well, I got out a pen and paper from my notebook and wrote her a two page long note.
We went to church, I still felt horrible. Now remembering that this would be my last Sunday at church since we would be leaving on Tuesday. Oh, my crazy life. I sat between David Harris and Nichole Holcomb. Love both of them. Those two rock. After church, I talked to friends and then went to find Sara Bane. She had already left but she accidently left her purse at the church so knowing that she would see Chelsie the next day at school and I wouldn't, I dropped the note into her purse along with the pack of sour skittles (Chelsie loves sour skittles) into the bag for her to give to Chelsie at School. I had walked to the corner store before church had started to buy her the skittles. I also picked up a green lighter and a pack of wrigleys gum. The lighter for a magic trick that involves fire, the pack of gum simply because I ran out. I always buy Wrigleys Spearmint for some reason. Loyalty I guess. lol
Went to lunch at North and Souch China chinese buffet after church and took Briggs with us. We dropped him off at home after. It was quite delicious.
After going home, charging my phone and taking a nap, we all went to Showdown, the Sunday night service that happens every other week at Church of the Hills. I was hoping to see Chelsie there. I wanted to REALLY get to say goodbye to her. I was still feeling pretty bad about everything.
But the night went good, I said goodbye to friends and went home and straight to bed.
I ended up texting Chelsie at church and it made me feel much better. :) She makes me smile.




So anyways. I right now, it is about 1:23am and I am leaving for Minnesota in the morning so I'll write back soon and tell you exactly how I got HERE. And if I got to see Chelsie before I left or not. Write back soon. :) Probably from Minnesota the next time.
Love you guys! :)
-Brit

A Quick Update & My Crazy Life

Well hello, world! :) Here I am again.
So a LOT has happened since the last time I wrote. I now have the super amazing girlfriend whom I love so very much! :) Her name is Chelsie. She is such an amazing girl. I met her at church camp and we immediately became amazing friends. Less than a month later, we were dating. And right now, I couldn't be much happier. She is such an amazing girl. She always makes me smile. :) I love every second that I get to be with her. And if anyone ever asks, I can tell them that the definition of beautiful is my girlfriend. :) She really is a super awesome girl and I love her so very much. :)

Well. My life has completely turned upside down since last Tuesday. A week ago from today, my dad lost his job. Our original plan was to stay here near Cedar Park, finish building and move into our house in Leander, and keep going on with life the way we always did. Well... The house was almost finished, we were 2 weeks away from closing on the house, and when my dad lost his job, everything went down the drain. Now we can't buy the house, in less than a week we will have nowhere to live, and everything is completely different. So long story short, my parents have decided to move to Minnesota temporarily to take care of my grandfather who just got out of the hospital. Everything is okay and SOMEHOW it's all going to work out. But right now, everything's a little crazy. Packing up, getting ready to leave here and drive to Minnesota for a 2 or 3 weeks. The good thing is that we will be back! :) That, I am happy about. And my boss told me today that as long as I am in town, the job is still mine. And when I get back, I get my job back. So I get to keep my job! =D So I am pretty happy right now, for the most part. The only thing I'm not gonna like is leaving Chelsie. That's the thing I hate more than anything. Chelsie, my friends, all the people I love have to stay here. I'm thinking about kidnapping Chelsie and taking her with me but I don't know how well that would go over with her grandma. Haha :) I'm guessing, probably not too well.

Right now, I am sitting on my couch, watching the Office and texting people. :) I have headphones in for some reason. I really don't know why, because I'm not listening to music and I haven't been. They're just kind of there. I can't decide if I want to take them out or not. Hmm... should I? No. Wait! YES! Yes, I should. Wait... No. What if I decide to listen to music later? Hmm... I can't decide. Oh well. I guess I'll just leave them in. :) That'll save me the energy of taking them out. Awesome. Okay. I have arrived at my decision. They stay in my ears. =D HOORAH!!! I'm glad I can make such great decisions by myself. :)

Well, anyways. I better go do something important. I'll write later.
Love you guys! :)
-Britain

Thoughts About Light and Stars

I wrote this a couple months ago and posted it as a note on Facebook. These are just some things I like to think about. Check it out. =) It will definitely make you think. You just might like it. ;)




I'm homeschooled, so instead of going to school every day, I end up at home doing hardly anything. Which is pretty cool because it gives me time to think. (Which is something that you NEVER get to do at school.) ;)
I got up this morning, cooked myself some food, watched a couple episodes of The Big Bang Theory and I Love Lucy and then went and sat on my bed for about half an hour doing absolutely nothing.
That might not sound very productive, but it gave me time to think.

I started thinking to myself about light. I remembered reading in one of my science books about photons.
Our universe is made up of very strange, unexplainable things but nothing is as strange as light. Light comes from the sun in the form of particles that are called photons.
A photon is an elementary particle, the quantum of the electromagnetic field and the basic "unit" of light and all other forms of electromagnetic radiation.
Light travels at 670,000,000 miles an hour.
Light does not follow any of the rules of our neutonian understanding of the universe.
When it comes to light, there is no A+B=C. Light just does it's own thing.

I started thinking about stars and what an amazing creation they are. Scientist have agreed that our universe has over 100 Billion galaxies.
Each of those galaxies has somewhere around 100 billion suns.
And each of those suns has at least 100 billion stars.

Stars are everywhere and they do such amazing things.
There are stars that we can see from the earth that are hundreds and thousands of light years away. So when you look into the sky and you look at a star that is a thousand lightyears away, you are actually seeing something that happened a thousand years ago, because thats how long it took the particle of light that you're looking at to get to you.
When you look at a star that is a thousand lightyears away, you are looking a thousand years into the past, because what you are seeing actually happend 1,000 years ago.

The closest star to our planet is technically the sun. The sun is approximately 8 light minutes away from the earth or (.000016 lightyears.) This means that it takes light from the sun 8 minutes to reach the earth.

Genesis 1:14-19
14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

So on the fourth day, God created the stars.
Besides the sun, the closest star to the earth is Proxima Centauri and it is 4.21 lightyears away from the earth.
So following this theory, though the stars were created on the fourth day, they would not have been visible to man on earth until four years after the earth was created.

So were the stars visible from earth as soon as God created them? Or on the fourth year after the earth was created, did the stars slowly begin to appear in a wonderful, beautiful display of new lights in the sky?
It's definitely something to think about.

Anyways. Slow day. I just thought I would write down some thoughts.
Be sure to comment! =)
Thanks!

-Britain Vanderbush
I just made myself sound like a complete nerd. Hahaha!

Well I know it's been forever since I've posted anything on here. Sorry to anybody who reads this. (Miles, a couple other people and my imaginary friends.) I have been really busy lately. (Actually that's a lie. But when people are too lazy to do something, they usually come up with an excuse like, "I was really busy." When really they should just say, "I am lazy and I haven't stood up in so long that I'm not even sure that my legs word..." Yeah. That's the kind of world we live in today. GREAT isn't it! =D) lol So I am just going to be honest and say... I've been too freaking lazy. Although I have been busy. Haha :)

Anyways, I have had a LOT happen since I last logged in here, so let me give you a quick update.
Ari and Rachel Zucker came and stayed with me and my family for two weeks, two extremely awesome, drama filled weeks! =D Haha it was a lot of fun though. I got to see them both for the first time in a couple of years and me and Rachel watched awesome movies like Sweeney Todd. Which was great for the musical and filming aspect of it. The only downside, I did not like the ending. Basically, it was a really depressing movie that was great but had a very sad ending. Over all, I liked it! And it is now on my list of dreams/things I want to do in my lifetime to be Sweeney Todd in the play. =) I just think that would be awesome! Hahaha :)
Anyways, we had a good time with them. :)

While they were here, we went to summer camp with Church of the Hills and another church from... Texas City or somewhere near Galveston, I think. Which was awesome! It is so amazing to see peoples eyes opened for the very first time. To see them experience the love of their God for the very first time. To feel the very real and very living presence of God and to see another world invade ours. It was truly beautful. Seeing kids, teenagers, and adults experience the presence of God for the very first time made me think again... It made me miss the feeling I once had. The presence of God all around me. The feeling of holding His hands in mine, my hands tingling along with my whole body at times, the love of God manifested in a physical way that I could feel in my very own way. Something that God had prepared just for me to bring Him and I into a closer place of intimacy. Which I found, but lately felt like I lost... Today was the first day in a very long time that I had felt that... But I'll get back to that a little later. :)

I met some really awesome people at camp and have had some time lately to spend with some really awesome friends. :) I got to hang out with Isaiah and Austin a couple weeks back. We both stayed at Isaiahs. =) First time I've done that in years! Haha :) Good, good times.
Sara Bane (who is awesome) brought some friends from school (Chelsie and Shannon) to camp who I am so so very glad that I met. :)) They are both very amazing friends and I love them. I'll just leave it at that for now. Maybe I'll write more later. :) Hahaha

I started my job at Berry Cool 2 weeks ago now. =) It has been great! I have to clean out all the machines and make the yogurt and stuff. I get paid $8.00 an hour and it's a great first job! I get to work with Ronnie and Sarah Young. Which is awesome! lol. And Caroline starts this Friday! =D I am excited!
I was so glad to get my first paycheck! I went straight to the book store and bought Ted Dekkers new book, Bonemans Daughters. Haven't started it yet but it sounds amazing! I have so many Dekker books I've bought but haven't had the chance to read yet.
I finished reading Sinner last night. It was SO good! It opened up my eyes to some things I really needed to see. Spiritually. Some things I had been missing. It reminded me what it was like to feel the presence of God. And it made me think about how much I miss it, to feel him there with me. Now I remember... Now I know. And now I'm doing more and more to live the life that I need to live. This book just helped open up my eyes a little bit wider. Changed the way I think a little bit. :) Definitely one of my favorite books. All of the Paradise books are incredible. :) I need to meet Ted Dekker Some day. I would have a lot to say to him. :)

I went wakeboarding for the very first time yesterday! =D It was awesome! I thought I was going to fail, but I got up on my first try and it was pretty awesome! I might post the video on here a little later if I can. I have it on Facebook. It was pretty awesome. =)
Me and my family are staying at the lakehouse for the weekend. =)
Regis and Josh came to town Thursday night and they are with us. Having such a great time with them. Besides talking to Regis on the phone every once in a while, I haven't seen them much since they moved to Florida. I am glad they are here for the weekend. :) They fly back home tomorrow night but we have had such a great time! Both of my aunts, Regis and Britany are pregnant right now. Which is pretty crazy! I am going to have two new baby cousins by the end of March 2010. =) Hopefully Regis and Josh's baby is born on my birthday! That would be awesome! =D Haha
Sooo... Right now, I am spending the night in a house with two pregnant ladies. Both of them whom I love, I just don't love listening to them throw up all night. ;) lol Just kidding. They are awesome. =) I love being with them. I have the most awesome aunts and uncles ever. We are having a great time. =)

Today was amazing. =) I got up, took a shower, got in the car, drove ALL the way to Church of the Hills from Marble Falls, reading Black on the way, and then driving back afterwards. :)
The drive was totally completely awesomely worth it. =) I got to church and got to see Stephanie for the first time in FOREVER. Which was great. =) I missed her so much. When she got here, it was like she had never been gone.
And... one of the best parts of my day =) was that I got to see Chelsie. I didn't get to stay as long as I wanted to because we had to go back to the lake, but I had a good time even though it was short. =) There are some people that you just love to talk to and love to be around. I love being around Chelsie. She is such an amazing amazing girl. =) I could go on and on with this forever so I am going to move to another subject real quick. =)

Ok, since I said I would get back to this, today, I felt the presence of God like I hadn't in a long long time. It brought back the feeling, the wonder, the... the... I don't know. It was just incredible. I decided instead of standing in worship, i was just going to sit on the floor with my hands out and sing to God. After a little while, my hands started tingling a little bit. And not in the way where you feel like there is no blood in your hands and they just get tingly like an arm or a foot falling alseep. No. It was real. And it was God. And there is no way I could doubt it, because I felt it again. And I've been feeling it off and on ever since. And I love it.
What we don't usually realize is that when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." He actually does mean that it is at hand. It is within reach. Just right out in front of you, there is another world that you do not even see. It is reality, and it is more real than we even imagine. But it is at hand, and it is within reach. All you have to do is reach out and touch it.
After sitting there for a while, I looked at my hands spread palms up in front of me. And for the first time in a very long time, I looked at my hands and I watched them sparkle with gold. Little gold specks all over my hands. All I would have to do was just move it a little bit and you could easily see it sparkle in the light. My hands kept tingling. My heart remained on fire. I didn't touch anything, but by the time I sat in my chair, it was all gone. And I can't wait to experience it again. My hands are tingling and my heart is burning even as I write this.
It was great. Sometimes we need a reminder. Sometimes we need the proof that there is another world that we can not usually see. And today, God gave me that reminder and he showed me His love again in such an amazing way.

It was just a great day all together. =)





Wow... I just realized that this is really long. If you read all this, you must either really love me, you're some creep named Alan and you are stalking me, or you must have just been really bored. :) lol
Anyways. Just another chapter in the book of my life.
I am going to be writing more on this blog now... I think. (No promises) so be sure to check it every once in a while. =) Haha ;)


-Britain :)

Forest Guard

Join the Circle!

If you ahve never read a Ted Dekker book, you need to! Ted is one of the most amazing authors alive today! This is just my opinion, but if you read one of his books, you would probably agree. He writes the most incredible thrillers and most every one of them has an amazing message!

If any of you are looking for a good book, definitely check out House! It's by Ted Dekker AND Frank Peretti. Two of my all time favorite writers! House is one of the most amazing books ever. I promise. I read it twice! It's the best!

So! Anyways. I am in this contest thing and I am trying to win. First place wins lunch with Ted Dekker and a bunch of other stuff. Second place gets a bunch of awesome stuff as well and so does third.

To get point and a better chance to win, I have to get people to sign up for ForestGuar using my number. I NEED PEOPLE TO SIGN UP WITH MY NUMBER!

Right now, I only need FOUR more people to qualify for the lunch. If YOU sign up, I will be ONE person closer to having lunch with Ted Dekker! So if you would take like 5 seconds, all you have to do is go to http://teddekker.com/readgreen/ enter your email, and my number (7197) in the box.

NOTE: If you do sign up, PLEASE make sure that you use my number!

SO!

Website: http://teddekker.com/readgreen/

My number: 7197

And check out this video! Pretty awesome. ;)

 

Thanks you guys! =]

-Brit
   

Sweet Dreams

Do you ever imagine

What it would be like

If nothing would have changed

Do you ever remember

All of the sweet nights

When we held each others eyes

And we just seemed to fly away

I know it's been so long

It seems there's nothing I can do to make this change

But I wish you could hear me as I'd tell you goodnight

I would sing you a song and this is what I'd say

Sweet dreams my Princess

Sleep well and sleep tight

Maybe one day we'll be together again

And I know the stars are falling on this dark and lonely night

But soon the sun will shine again

So sweet dreams...

"Don't look at where you are and don't ever say never, because the now that you know won't be here forever. The sun will shine again."

-Britain

Something Amazing!

So! I just got back from a trip from Redding. Going there was totally something that God had set up. My friend paid for my ticket and right now I owe him quite a bit of money. I need money for lots of things! Last night, I was thinking about it and just before I went to bed, I said a quick prayer, "God... I need a job so badly right now. If you could give me a good way to make good money, I would really love that!" And that was basically it.

THE NEXT MORNING (Today,) I went to a movie with the Holcombs and afterwards, we ended up going to an ice cream/yogurt shop called Berry Cool. I had never been there before. It is RIGHT down the road from where my new house is going to be! (AMAZING!) Before I left, the owner of the place, Jay, a guy I have never seen before, walks up to me, introduces himself to me, asks how old I am and says, "Do you work?"

I said, "No, but I need a job."

"Hmm... Let's meet on Monday." And he gives me his number! Some total stranger at a yogurt shop offers me a job! I've been back from California for 2 days and already have a job interview! And the NIGHT before, just like 10 hours earlier, I was laying in my bed, asking God for a job! How CRAZY is THAT??!!! =D

Anyways! That was just one cool thing that happened today. God is SO AWESOME!!! =D

Night!

-Brit

The way I'm feeling.

You totally don't have to read this. I am just writing this for myself. But totally, read it if you want to. Right now it is 1:30 am, I just got back from California and I can't sleep because I have way too many thoughts going through my head right now. I'm just going to write.

So. These last two weeks have been absolutely amazing... God has set up everything in such an incredible way. I could never thank Him enough for all He's done... It's incredible. Truly incredible. My faith has probably grown more in these last couple of weeks than it has my entire life. I need more of God. At any cost. I need Him. I've felt like there was a part of me these last few months that has been missing. Something I've been needing. Someone I need to become, someone I wanted so badly to be again. I was dying to live again... I've been lost lately, feeling broken, alone, tired, like I wanted to give up. But God has blessed me so much... He's the reason I'm still standing. If I had nothing else, I would still have Him. And I don't know where I'd be without him. Dead probably.

There has been a ton of drama going on at home the last 3 or 4 months... Mostly in my youth group. A lot I've been involved with. More drama and more problems than I ever wanted to have to deal with. And more pain than I ever wanted to feel. I never wanted to feel that pain... I am fine now. God has taken care of me and carried me through everything. God can heal a broken heart. But even now, I feel like there is a part of me that is still missing. And I don't know what it is... I still feel like I'm dying to live again. I know this feeling well now. It's becoming a part of me. And every time I think of what has happened, and every time I experience the feeling, it only pushes me to move forward and do the things that God wants me to do.

With all the drama and stuff that was going on, I just really needed to get away... At the beginning of this year, everything was as perfect as I could have imagined. I woke up every day, thanking God for everything He had done. If you would have asked me then if I felt like my life was perfect, I would have said yes. If you asked me NOW if my life was perfect, you would probably get an answer that would be around two hours long. Just so much happened between May and June. I needed to get away. Long-story-short, (Even though it's probably too late) God opened up a way for me to get to go spend some time in Redding CA. It was SOO refreshing! I needed that trip sooooo bad...

Me and my two friends, Ben and Nathan, flew in late Saturday night, July 25th. I stepped off the plane in Sacramento, knowing that I was on this trip just for God. Just to find HIM. Just to get away from everything that was going on back home and just to leave it all behind for a little while. To change.

I met God on that trip. Again. It's good seeing a friend you haven't talked to in a long time. My prayer since I stepped off the plane that day was that I would look into God's eyes again and see His love for me so that I could fall in total love with Him again.

If you have ever been in love, you would know that talking to someone over text messaging or on the phone doesn't compare to looking that person in the eyes and seeing their smile, even for just a second, and hearing them say, "I love you." It's beautiful...

That's how I felt on this trip. Like God had been so far away and we were just sending each other these little messages, and when I walked into Bethel Church that Sunday morning, I felt like I was looking into His eyes and seeing him face to face, once again.

I went up to the very front on Sunday morning and before worship had even started, I was already standing there in tears, worshiping, falling in love with God again. Looking at all the things that had happened the last few months and what a mess it had been and how even now, it was still affecting me. But God was there...

I stood there thinking, Since the beginning of this year, I fell in love with one of the most amazing, beautiful girls on the planet, I prayed for so many sick people and saw them healed, I felt the fire and presence of God on me almost every day, I lived the life of a revivalist and I knew deep down within me, that maybe... just maybe... One day, I just might change the world. And now... All that is gone... I lost one thing and it caused me to lose every other good thing I had... And now here I am. I've come half way across the country just to find YOU. I need YOU. I cant live like this. I say I've moved on, but every day, something reminds me. The memories and the moments from those times replay over and over in my mind and I so wish to live them again... I need You...

And this last week, I have found Him... And I missed Him. I needed this trip so much, and it most definitely has been life changing.

The things I thought about then still haunt me even now. They still cloud my mind, making me dream and wish that things would have happened differently. And I think... Is what all I went through worth what I am seeing now? I honestly don't know. Because I still wish I could have what I used to. Every day, I am learning more. I am moving forward. We'll see what great things God has prepared for my life... It should be amazing.

Anyways, I just really felt like writing. So there ya go. I had a very amazing week and it is good to be home. Thank You, God. =] I love You.

-Britain